Women In RPGs

I started playing online role play games in my teens. It's quite easy to get into when you are young and you hide behind your character. I loved the anonymity of it. My first game was Zelda, but as I got older I loved the Mass effect and Bioshock series amongst countless others. I was never the best player and often would read the lore and guides to get me through to end game. I never stood out either as lots of people online played made female characters. I was told by a friend once that the reason he plays female characters (in most games) is because and I quote "if I have to stare at someone's arse for hours then I would prefer that arse to be female." I think this is a fair point!

After a few years of sporadic dungeons and dragon games, all hosted over pizza and too many beers with some close friends I chose take the plunge and join a real world RPG group.

I loved the D&D rules and had even bought a players guide. I had decided I wanted to play more seriously and more sober. 

So, one evening whilst feeling confident I found myself on Meetup messaging a local group about joining. I spoke with a lovely guy named Andy who pointed me towards their website and told me the time and place. I was both excited and nervous. You see the role play world is made up of mostly men who, rightly or wrongly, hold the reputation of being slightly chauvinistic and believe all women are a little dumb and need to be protected. My own example of this was at Dragonmeet 2017 with some friends and decided to join a table to play Vampire (The Masquerade). A grown man sat opposite me and spent the whole time dumbing down the rules and GMs instructions to me; "what he means is darling..." and "each of these squares are 5 feet across, that's about the size of you if you laid down on the floor...". As someone who has a degree in physics and an MD, reading really isn't a problem for me so, after 20 minutes of this I asked him to stop. He was immediately offended by this and replied with the classic phrase "I was just being a nice guy."

Anyway, back to 2016. The Friday came around quickly and,  as I sat in my car for 10 minutes outside the hall I took some deep breaths.  It was quite run down and the light was glaring yellow. I could hear voices from inside which added to my nervousness. After quite a bit of personal affirmation though I managed to get myself out of the car. 

I walked towards the front door where an older man was having a cigarette, "Oh you must be the new guy... girl " he said smiling, I nodded and he said "Andy and Paul are inside".  I walked in and popped my head around the corner and introduced myself, The faces on the two men chatting were a picture. You see, my meetup profile did not have a photo and with a name like Jerrie I often get mistakenly pictured as a 50 year old man! After a bit of laughter between us Andy settled me into a 5E D&D game, something I had played before. Yes!

Looking back, I loved every moment of that evening. The anxiety that I felt in the car melted away as everyone was so friendly and helpful. My game knowledge was just above zero and it showed but, despite these people being experts, they never made me feel inadequate.  

The sad fact though is that my experience was a unicorn. Speaking with other women over the years I have heard some unfortunate situations, One was denied a space at a table because it was a "boys only" club. Another was made the poster girl on inclusivity on their website without her actual permission, while another was paraded around a number of tables not allowing her to settle into a game because every GM wanted to have the novelty of a female player. 

Even I, in my perfect group have had run ins with sexism over the years. They are usually a comment too far or an gawdy joke at my expense. I usually deal with this by embarrassing the culprit and pointing out their comment. this is often followed by an apology and shaking heads around the table. I don't do this to be nasty or to retaliate though. It is just my experience that the best way to deal with situations like this are to nip them in the bud. The whole table benefits too as we can all swiftly move on to destroying our miniature enemies on the table rather than make any noise around it!

I would love more women to play in RPGs as they are usually creative players who are quick learners. As GMs too they are engaging and usually draw on emotion rather than just hitting shit with swords.  so, to those of you out there thinking of getting involved here are some tips:

1. If you want to try it then please do! The rewards very much outweigh the negatives.
2. Be prepared to meet a few dickheads, Its inevitable im afraid but it shouldn't stop your enjoyment.
3. You can speak out and be an active member of a group. Never be afraid to have a voice.
4. Finally, relax! You may be a unicorn amongst horses but they will soon get used to you and you will find yourself too engrossed to care!

Jerrie x